please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
