i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
