I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
