I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
