Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its not stalking. its research.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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