I wish I could teleport
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We have started to decorate penises.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
