it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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