is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
