Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
