im six kinds of drunk right now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
