If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
