I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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