I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
