So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
