my phone needs a breathalizer
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize