weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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