sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
