it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
