carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
