in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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