We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
