I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
