in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
