And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
