Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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