Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
