Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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