There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
