but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
