We named our party play list daddy issues
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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