Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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