Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
