:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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