Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
