She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
