I'm eating all of the evidence.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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