how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
