I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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