I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
