Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
