we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
