Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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