Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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