So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
