I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
