I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
