He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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