Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.