Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down