You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
