Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.

Fav 1 952 877
share tweet
(310): View more from California

If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

Fav 14 1207 2885
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

How was dinner with ur grandparents?

(1-607): View more from New York

I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

Fav 18 1779 6951
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

Fav 21 5055 1446
share tweet
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(519): View more from Ontario

I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

Fav 8 4758 1287
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.

Fav 25 4995 1438
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(907): View more from Alaska

Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog

Fav 16 3081 1396
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(708): View more from Illinois

I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!

Fav 2 1158 488
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.

Fav 2 13 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT