Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.