Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
