if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.