I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.