i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
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Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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