It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
