Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie