you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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