Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.