I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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