Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
