it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
