I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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