as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
