can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want a musical about memes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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