You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
