I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
