Sry I called you an 8
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
