I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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