We're facebook friends in real life
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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