i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
