My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
