i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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