one word: firstdatebathroomanal
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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