He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
