im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
