So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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