i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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