Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
