my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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