My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
