I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
