i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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