We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
