Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
