It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
