Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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