I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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