Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
